Some great lines. A bit confusing but hot damn if "Stuttering dawn" didnt make me weep.

Good stuff

--
Daedalus

Well, bugger me and call me Isaac, thats rather beautiful!

Thought I might mention that the name Isaac is derived from a Hebrew name (Yitzchaq) which means 'he laughs' - Good choice of name

I love your use of color throguh the piece. The way you have breaks where you don't mention it, then use a specific shade or hue to describe somthing is very effective, as if color was bursting though the seams despite one's best attempts to contain it.

The moth was a great metaphor, drawing on the contrasting connotations of butterflies and moths. Me likes.

"My ear is at his chest,
and in the sun our dreams slip off."
Great lines, warmth and cuddliness in the position of the persona and of course, the sun. Balanced well with a haunting strangeness enforced by the second line here as you can switch the sun and the dreams, possibly making it sound closer to a cliche etc.

Obvious use of self-sacrifice in the last line, beautifully sad

The sadness and the happiness just fit so well together, as if expected. Damn, I want to write like this.

--
Fnord

here's my take:

the begining has a lot of description, which is good in poetry, but you end up still describing a lot of those same things at the end. you could almost start with "his moans pulled at my skirt", forgetting the entire begining, and still have a worthwhile piece of poetry here (albiet a little more ambiguous for sure).

i really liked some of the lines, especially "my feet creep into indigo".

the ending sort of bugs me. i feel as though the clock/life metaphor is used a lot. i'd think about something different perhaps.

Very dark indeed. I like how you used some beautiful imagery to describe what I feel is something...less then pleasing. But then again, death is a beautiful thing in its own right.

I have to say my favorite line would be "my feet creep into indigo"

An excellent piece.

That's very nice. I find myself going back and reading again. Wish I had more to say but this evening I seem only capable of praise... Lovely and quite enjoyable.

--
blessed be~*~phoenixreal

Without the darkness, there can be no light. Without the light, there can be no dark. Between, there casts the shadow. I am that shadow.

i find that really sad in a way. of course, i had to read it over a second time. what a wonderful yet creepy way to put such a situation. the imagery is amazing.

--
*throws bears at everyone*

Commission me!- [link]

I'm Frigimon in dA's Digimon Crew!! .

hmm.

--
'SHARKS DON'T SLEEP' a collection of poems by Eric Hamilton.

Holy bologna sandwiches! I really liked your lines:

My ear is at his chest,
and in the sun our dreams slip off.
He wound me up to the moon last night, and now,
his clock has stopped.

Very creative!

--
"Hell belongs in a book
Where the setting is doused with flowers
Upon a field, accompanied by butterflies,
As some random man screams,
“Today’s weather is 50 degrees
With a 101% chance of cloudy skies,
Just to irk the Hell out of it!" -SIRyan-

The is such a beautiful peice of poetry

Congratulations on the DD!

--
`'`'`'`'`'live`'`'`'`'`'

his clock has stopped

it's a good ending, i'm not quite sure how to explain it, but it just feels right

grats on the DD